Humorous Quotes

The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary.

Vince Lombardi

Inspirational, Funny, Life



Thomas A. Edison quote: I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.
I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.

Thomas A. Edison

Inspirational, Funny, Motivational


Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn’t.

Erica Jong

Funny, Being Strong, Spiritual


Isaac Asimov quote: People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of…
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.

Isaac Asimov

Funny, Hilarious, Sarcastic


Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

Oscar Wilde

Funny, Life, Happiness


It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog.

Mark Twain

Inspirational, Funny, Motivational


Never mistake motion for action.

Ernest Hemingway

Positive, Witty, Mistake


Weather forecast for tonight: dark.

George Carlin

Sarcastic, Laughter, Smart



As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

Buddy Hackett

Funny, Family, Mothers Day



As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind – every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder.

John Glenn

Inspirational, Funny, Space


Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.

Joey Adams

Funny, Life, Birthday


Don’t find fault, find a remedy.

Henry Ford

Inspirational, Motivational, Positive


Bob Hope quote: A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can…
A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.

Bob Hope

Funny, Hilarious, Sarcastic


Try to learn something about everything and everything about something.

Thomas Huxley

Graduation, Witty, Educational


‘I am’ is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that ‘I do’ is the longest sentence?

George Carlin

Funny, Marriage, Sarcastic


Happiness is good health and a bad memory.

Ingrid Bergman

Positive, Birthday, Happiness


Bertrand Russell quote: The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always…
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts.

Bertrand Russell

Education, Confidence, Wisdom


Confidence is what you have before you understand the problem.

Woody Allen

Funny, Confidence, Witty


Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.

Groucho Marx

Funny, Friendship, Education


All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.

Charles M. Schulz

Love, Funny, Valentines Day


Why do they call it “rush hour” when nothing moves?

Robin Williams

Funny, Witty, Moving


Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.

Robert Orben

Native American, Profound, Insane


Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.

Timothy Leary

Funny, Hilarious, Girly


Practical people would be more practical if they would take a little more time for dreaming.

J. P. McEvoy

Dream, People, Would Be


Robert Frost quote: By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be…
By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.

Robert Frost

Funny, Motivational, Hilarious